Monday, August 6, 2012

Here We Are Together

We begin again together.  Thank you, thank you for receiving me into your circle of Conversation.  One week has passed since we met, and already I feel at home with you.  Your words support and sustain me.

You receive me, I receive you.  The Conversation is a circle of gentle hospitality.  

When we speak togetherfor I read your comments aloudI experience you sitting with me and my husband at Innermost House.  I see you clearly.  I hear your voice.  I feel the spirit of your life. 

Innermost House lies in my heart now.  It is a condition of soul to which you and I have equal claim, from which we were made and to which we are forever returning in Conversation. 

Pam, you are a very unexpected person!  You answered most beautifully how it is that accepting the way things are depends on seeing them as they truly are first.

And you asked a very unexpected question.  You asked "where" in my body I experienced the need to leave Innermost House.

I felt it in my throat.  I felt as though I were being  drowned.  But it was not I who was threatened, it was the child of my body.  It was the Conversation.

I read over again all the rich comments from the weekend.

Al, you wrote of being relegated to the margins of lifemay I say, to a place where you cannot fully draw a breath? Where the air that is yours by birth to breathe is somehow withheld from you?

Julie, you only feel alive when the lights go out.  I know your feeling.  You wonder with David if a jubilee awaits us in the darkness.

Shea you put up quaking aspens on the patiosuch a lovely, living idea!to preserve a place behind them where you can live.

Suzanne you have suffered to regain your life from a suffocating sense of your own worthlessness, and you emerge with pride and poetry on your lips.

Leah you are drawn to the country but fear that you may be avoiding real life.  You wonder how a person can suffer from what appears to be good.

Lydia and David, after fifteen years you still long for a house in the woods.  Perhaps after seven years I am moving out from the woods toward you.

Katrina you move between the darkness and the light, trying to narrow the distance between them.  That is the great question, how to step into the space between.

Elizabeth you wonder how in a world of surface noise to make a place in your life for meaning and depth.

I am unfit to speak for any other than myself, but do we not all of us here long for life?  I think we long to breathe more deeply the breath of life, and live more fully.  

I have asked all the questions you ask with my life.  Innermost House was my answer.  But the way inward I left strewn with markers.  They now mark my way out. 

Chris thank you for that wonderful letter from J.R.R. Tolkien, about the way that what appears to be evil can prepare the way for what is truly good.  To me it is a marker.

In the coming days I look forward to sharing together ways of living the Innermost Life at every step along the way, wherever we may be in the world.  

Tomorrow we shall begin again.


20 comments:

  1. Thank you Diana, I will think about what you said.

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  2. When I first saw the photo of Innermost House all empty I literally gasped. It was so unexpected and opened up so many questions for me - the first of which was whether Michael and you were safe and well. I am comforted to learn that you are - although I sense that there is some pain as surely there always is when something is lost. I know that in memory love lives forever and 'what thou lovest well remains, the rest is dross. What thou lov'st well shall not be reft from thee', so I know that you carry Innermost House in your hearts. Or rather, the conversation. Innermost House was just the vessel that facilitated the conversation.

    A part of me wonders whether your leaving was in some part influenced by us all. It was a great sacrifice to leave. I can not really explain what I mean. My lips are left open in a kind of 'O' - 'the O of the host' as I remember someone once say.

    It is as though you left your heaven in order to show the world that heaven can be found and made were ever we choose to build it.

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    1. How very nice it is to hear from you Sean! You were among my very earliest friends here in this nether world. And what you have said is really a beautiful answer to Pam's question, thank you. I know how much Innermost House has meant to you. There will be a new Innermost House someday. For now it is as alive in our hearts as it was when we first knew it.

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  4. Hello Diana!
    I wanted you to know that while I do not comment very much lately, that I read and try to digest every post and comment. I have been with IH from the beginning. So many of my questions and comments are posted by others before me that I often feel I have nothing to add. Enjoying your daily posts is one of the most peaceful and contemplative parts of my day. Thank you for inviting all of us to share your journey with you:). While i'm sure there are stressful elements regarding your leaving IH, there must be exciting ones as well! I'm sure your walks with your husband bring about a freshness and a newness to your decision to move on, or at least keep on. May they give you the strength, energy, and peace you have been searching for. I look forward to each new post, and thank you again:) Susan

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    1. This friend speaks my mind also. x

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    2. Dear Susan and Ember, It is true that many new revelations have come of these late months, and there are more every day. I look forward to telling you more about them, because they so strangely reflect the way we took in toward our life in the woods. It is as if my life were coming full circle now, and I am reclaiming lands I once left behind. Best of all to me is that I feel I am reclaiming those lands step by step for the innermost life I love.

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  5. Diana said" Al, you wrote of being relegated to the margins of life—may I say, to a place where you cannot fully draw a breath? Where the air that is yours by birth to breathe is somehow withheld from you?"

    I felt I had to somehow pay for every breath I took. It was not "my air" that was "mine by birth."

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    1. That sounds very sad Suzanne :(
      I think I might know a bit of what you might mean. My birth wasn't exactly welcomed, but I was loved when I actually arrived, if a little resentfully perhaps.

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    2. Suzanne and Katrina, You know how it feels to struggle for breath. But it is strange. In my own life I have found that such a struggle to breathe in the world outside can open a way to an inward kind of breathing that others have to struggle inwardly to know.

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    3. Oh that is marvelous! I have experienced this pain and closing off of my throat before and I was prompted to move a couple of times, but the thing I deal with now is more like struggling to breathe in the outside world, as you say. I will pray for my way to an inward kind of breathing. In fact, I think I really do see what you mean by this. I frequently need someone to tell me what I already know...and this is the place for that, isn't it?

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    4. There have been a few times when my pain was bad enough that I may have struggled for breath for a few moments - usually at turning points in my life (When things didn't work out as hoped.), but mostly it's just a lingering sadness that sometimes devolves into a shallow depression. Luckily, there is plenty of good around me and I try to stop feeling sorry for myself and focus on the life I have and try not to waste so much energy bemoaning the life I had hoped to have.

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  6. Diana, you wrote "But it was not I who was threatened, it was the child of my body. It was the Conversation." If I may ask (because I'm having a hard time understanding exactly what it was externally that might have caused you to feel the claustrophobic feeling of suffocation that would prompt you to leave such a wonderful place where the Conversation had so flourished), in what way was the Conversation being 'threatened'? You mentioned earlier that the new owner of the property on which your home was built was happy to allow you to continue living there, so I presume that there was a different issue that made you feel that the Conversation was being threatened. Did the change of ownership of the land on which your home lay upset the delicate balance of inner/outer, light/shadow by trying to bring more of the 'light' of the outside world into your private space through the practical negotiations of the real estate deal and/or possibly, the impact it would have on your continued presence there under new owners, regardless of how nice they were? I ask this because the linear-thinking side of my nature is puzzled by your decision to give up something so exquisite that had made you so happy and had allowed the Conversation to flourish. I know that you have said that you try to let the Conversation take the lead, and perhaps the reason for your departure is unknowable to you as well, other than just feeling that it was the right thing to do at the right time without questioning the 'why now?'. Please know that if I am being too inquisitive about something that is none of my business, I apologize in advance and ask for your patience. I'm just trying to understand the WHY of your move so I can get HOW the Conversation was being threatened. Perhaps the two things are unrelated altogether and I'm wasting time trying to find connections where there ARE none. I have no doubt that others in the group might be curious as well.

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    1. Pam you ask the most wonderful questions. Please let me put your mind at ease. The family with whom we left Innermost House are among my dearest friends. I shall be grateful to them always. It really had nothing to do with them. There were other circumstances external to the house and land but directly bound up with the Conversation that made me feel it needed to grow. Ruth said it very well. "It sounds like the conversation was telling you it was time to take it to the world, that it could no longer be contained in IH." Sean said it too, "It is as though you left your heaven in order to show the world that heaven can be found and made were ever we choose to build it."

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  7. Dear Diana,
    I read with great interest that you felt you had to leave IH because of the closing off of your throat. The throat chakra is actually about self-expression and talking. When it is open, you have no problem expressing yoursef, and might be doing so as an artist. If this chakra is underactive, you tend not to speak much, and you are introverted and shy. Not speaking the truth may block this chakra.
    It sounds like the conversation was telling you it was time to take it to the world, that it could no longer be contained in IH. What do you think?
    Ruth

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    1. I need to give credit to the above statement. Here is the link to the chakra test
      Chakra Test [chakra_test@eclecticenergies.com]
      Ruth

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    2. I don't know about chakras Ruth! But I think you're perfectly right about what that feeling was telling me. The Conversation wanted the world, and couldn't be contained any longer in an Innermost House that was built on such a private foundation. The next Innermost House will be built in a way that remains open to a visiting world of friends.

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    3. Oh, Diana, it's so nice to hear that the impetus to move on was from a positive push to share the Conversation with a wider audience rather than from any negative impulse. I see now why you felt a feeling of suffocation in your throat--it was the Conversation wanting to burst forth in a more vocal, widespread way. This makes me very happy both for you and Michael and for all of the rest of us as well! I know that the world desperately needs the guidance and inspiration of the Conversation at this time in our history of the planet. And as for myself, I hope someday to be able to meet you and Michael in person and to engage in a 'real time' discussion. That would be so lovely (sigh)...

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  8. Thank you D.B. This is of interest to me as well.

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