We begin again. Ruth and Julie, thank you so very much for your concern for my endurance! But I am so well cared for, and am in such a good place, that I really am fine.
I should say too that I only see this one web page, and I do not spend long here daily. My husband and I take long walks for hours each day, and I see so much beauty. And we forever share my beloved Conversation.
Leah I see this morning that you asked something more on that post that I want to try to answer briefly. Had I seen it yesterday I would have included it then in my reply.
Leah says, "Diana wrote: 'I know of my own experience that there are ways of living wholly in the mind. Ways that have given comfort and peace to millions. But I do not want them.' I am curious about this quote. I believe you are speaking about meditation, but I don't want to assume."
When I read this and your other comments, I feel a strong sense of a very open, generous, and loving heart with very deep convictions. I'm so grateful you are here. And I appeal to your generosity to forgive me for having only my experience!
I am so glad you found your way to meditation. Many of the innermost people I know are serious meditators. Ruth, for instance, has changed her whole relationship to life and truth through meditation.
Most compelling of all to me is the evidence of my own experience. Eight or nine years ago, my husband passed into a period of spontaneous meditation and prayer that altered forever the shape of our life. I have literally seen miracles worked by meditation.
But I myself do not meditate. That is only me.
There is a prayer someone repeated in a question to my husband around the fire once. I think it is well known. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
I think if I had perceived my own suffering as personal, then I would have found my way to meditation. At least I hope I would. I have been fortunate to be spared that suffering.
But thirty years ago I was suffering from the world. Not from my personal drama, but from the whole state of the world—almost as much from that which appeared to be good as that which appeared to be bad. I read somewhere once that monasticism represents "an objection to the whole condition of things." It was that kind of suffering.
And I had to let myself feel that unhappiness, and stay with it persistently, or I could never have lasted long enough to change the things I could, and did change at last with Innermost House. I could not depend on courage. There just was no other way for me.
It took a long time. I feel if I had given myself the blessed relief of meditation, I might have mistaken something I had the power to change, for something I was meant to accept with serenity.