Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Safe and In Control



How do you do Jennifer, it is such a pleasure to hear from you.  Rowdy Kittens seems a long time ago now.  Thank you very much for staying with me! 

Thank you all so very much.  I continue to think about all your insights concerning the unbelievability of Innermost House.  This is such a help to me, and I hope it is to you.


A couple of days ago Ember's and Pam's responses led me to feel that it makes much better sense to think of the "we" of my marriage as the "me" of my self. Then the Conversation becomes an internal dialogue, which I think is both more true and more useful.   


Today I want to address Pam and Sherry.  Pam, here are the aspects of life at Innermost House you believe may sometimes appear unbelievable to others


1. living a life that has an absence of grasping or desire for outer things

2. experiencing self-born contentment that appears to be constant, without fluctuation
3. feeling an harmonious and integrated connection with all aspects of life in a seamless way, so that you are consciously aware the movement and stillness coexist within each other, even in the simplest acts
4. staying anchored in the present moment without reference to the past or future
5. having a one-pointed vision and intention for your life that cannot be swayed or compromised
6. stubbornly refusing to settle for the fractured life of contemporary society that the rest of the modern world has been taught is 'normal'
7. being able to easefully remain centered and at peace with the notion of being no one in particular and wanting nothing more than what the present moment holds
8. having a relationship with another person that is unguarded because it is unconditionally accepting of the other as one's own self
9. coming home to yourself in a way that most people will never know

Reading over your kind words I think to myself, I must be a pretty amazing person!  Then I look out our little window on the street scene below. There a father stands holding his baby girl.  She has a pink ribbon miraculously suspended in her few little wisps of baby hair.  She is the picture of contentment, and her father with her.  

As I watch, I think, here is a perfect absence of grasping for outer things, a true self-born contentment, a seamless connection with all aspects of life, a living present without future or past, a vision that will not be swayed, a refusal to settle for a fractured life, a being no one in particular, an unconditional acceptance, a constant coming home.


I am not really an amazing person at all.  I am exactly like everyone else was once, only I am crippled in a way that prevented me from becoming different.  I know I do not look crippled, but I am.  You would only have to meet me to know. 


Then Pam you go on to say, "you can be sure that IH is the perfect foil for the ego's defense mechanisms in both blatant and subtle ways, and most people don't want to look at the defense mechanisms that help keep them feeling safe and in control."

Yes, safe and in control.  I must say the last thing I ever expected to be in my life was a threat to anyone's defense mechanisms!  Maybe having so few defenses myself is why I have been willing to let the rest go.

I know that such a life is not for everyone.  But the Innermost Life to me is the most secure whole life I know.  I may outwardly gain it and again lose it, but the truth of it remains, nevertheless secure. 

Sherry you ask the question—But what would I do without my husband?  I have often been asked that question at presentations.  My answer is always the same.  I do not know.  I am not prepared. 

How can one such as I, who has never been able to prepare for tomorrow, prepare for the unimaginable end of existence?  I am not safe and I am not in control.  And that is acceptable to me.

What my husband and I have and are together is not quite the love between us—of course there is that too—but more the consequence of love, like that little girl.

Or maybe it is more like the inward unity that comes sometimes to an individual soul in consequence of perfect self-acceptance.  After all, everyone is born of a man and a woman together.  We must all have both in us. 

I do not think of my husband and myself as an extraordinarily close couple, but more as an extraordinarily separate individual.  It is unusual to have two bodies!

I look again at that little baby.  A thousand joys and a thousand sorrows await her, but she neither seizes on them nor recoils.  She does not prepare.

I do not know what I shall be given or what I shall be required to give away.  I have never known.  But I feel a feeling.

Next time I would like to try to address Dewey and Al.



8 comments:

  1. Diana, all I can say is that it must be incredible to live in the state of innocence that exists before a sense of egocentricity sets in. I think that's why we adore babies so much--they remind us of our own 'time before time' when life was lived without thought for the morrow, without guile or pretense, without fear for survival, without the loss of being able to see everything as it is before 'naming' occurs--well, you get the drift! And if you consider that condition to be 'crippled' as you say, my wish is that we could all be as crippled as you! Still, it must have been very difficult to live among loved ones who just couldn't understand your radically different state of 'being' that never developed the sense of separation that arises when the ego develops. And it must have been so confusing and lonely as you were growing up to have no one who could explain to you why you are the way you are. Though your state is a priceless gift that seekers throughout time pray will happen to them, if you never knew the opposite way of how it feels to be trapped in an ego you might have thought that YOU were the cursed one instead of the rest of the world. I imagine it's very similar for young children who are born with psychic abilities and grow up feeling the chasm of difference between themselves and those around them who do not have their third eye open, and feeling that they have somehow been cursed instead of blessed.

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  2. Diana, your words remind me of how wonderful it is to have a new baby in the room. There's something about that perfection of innocence and presence that helps everyone else there feel tender too. I think you have that quality. I love that reading your words encourages me to look for the tenderness of the innermost life. As I am doing that it seems that spaces of timeless time are opening up.

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  3. Thank you, Diana, for your candor. This is, of course, on my mind daily, but the direction has changed 360 degrees and I am having to accept it, tho, in reality, I don't suppose I do. But when we have no control (which is a total illusion anyway) we do have to go on and learn what we can and keep moving in the direction that we feel led.

    Again, thank you for your answer to my question and bless you.

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  4. "I do not know what I shall be given or what I shall be required to give away."
    To keep this reality clearly before one's eyes is a foundation-stone of free and authentic life.
    Thank you for another wonderful post (or, as I inexplicably initially typed with my fingers falling over each other as they tend to do, "another wodmerfl post").

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  5. Wodmerfl, wodmerfl! "I do not know what I shall be given or what I shall be required to give away. I have never known. But I feel a feeling." I feel a feeling too. Yes, Ember, free and authentic. Thank you Diana for another thought provoking post.

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  6. "I am not safe and I am not in control.And that is acceptable to me."
    Beautiful true words Diana thankyou.

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  7. Diana, I know you've said that you pretty much hang out in the present moment, but so many of your attitudes, interests and approaches to life have their roots in the past. Do you ever have the feeling that you must be a transplant from a different time period? If so, what era resonates the most with you (the Renaissance, the Middle Ages, Victorian England, early 1800's, etc.) and what part of the world would you have wanted to live in at that time?

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  8. Wow...I enjoy your writing very much, it has a sense of peace and innocent while being so fragile too. Thank you for being you and having the courage to find who that is. Shalom

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