Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Unacceptance


Tides advance and recede, and there are two shores to every ocean.  Truly Rebecca, I do not know which of us is more affected by the other.

Leah and Becky, Rebecca, Julie and Sherry, we meet here to negotiate our various courses in life.  I am at least as much in search of my bearings now as any of you.

Yes Julie, I do trust in my fate.  But I have never known what to want, and I do not know now.

That is why I cannot quite even wish for things.  I have always had only my special needs, which seem more to act through me than for me.  I just try to stay out of their way.  They know better than I what is necessary.

Leah, you ask if the love of one's fate means to me “the acceptance of what must be and a belief in the ultimate good, or at least the lessons that fate will bring.”

A love of fate to me cannot mean a learning of lessons.  I have never succeeded in learning lessons, even as a girl.  Lessons seem to be beyond me.

Nor does a love of my fate mean an acceptance of what must be.  I do not accept what must be.  People have told me for as long as I can remember what must be, and I do not accept it.

If I had accepted what must be, Innermost House would never have been.  I accept that the first Innermost House could no longer be, but I do not accept that an Innermost House cannot be.  Nor do I insist that it must be again.  I only insist that it was, and that without it something is missing.

But the ultimate good—in this I believe with all my heart, and I believe I always will.  It is only that ultimate is far away.  I do not believe that the world out there is all there can be.  It was against that world that Innermost House was made. Innermost House is what cannot be in a world where things must be as they are.

I know that a great many people desire peace today.  I too want peace.  But I am not willing to pay the price of accepting whatever happens to be for it.  I do not care if the whole world unites to compel it upon me.

I have lived for timeless years a unity of night and day, of cold and warmth, of growth and decay and death and life.  If I am compelled to live in a world of endless electronic day, of perpetual summer and youth, then I will live in it.
But I do not accept it as all of what must be.

Innermost House is against the law in most places.  It is unsupportably expensive.  Those who want it cannot afford it, and those who can afford it don't want it.  The life it requires is too plain.  The thinking it demands is too high.  It is unreal, impossible, misguided.

But the wonder is that within its walls I accept the whole of the way things are. I can accept the whole of the modern world, and the ancient world, and all the worlds between them.  I can accept the worlds of gain and loss, and life and death, from within the walls of Innermost House.

It is Fate I truly love, Beautiful Necessity.  My private destiny has meaning to me only in relation to that.  If it proves my destiny to live in a new Innermost House, then I will live in it and speak from it.  If my destiny lies elsewhere, then I will speak of it and declare that something is missing.   


15 comments:

  1. Completeness is realized from the inside out and only when I reach it is nothing missing. I am utterly unable to explain this to others, so I no longer try.

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  2. Dear Diana, Until now, I have never known what I wanted either--or rather, I knew deep down what I wanted but never had the courage to want it out loud. What you say is true: There are two shores to every ocean. That being the case, is it by mere chance that the little boat of my own inner life has drifted SO CLOSE to the shore of all of my hopes? There is an awful storm upon the horizon, as you know--my husband may soon be disembarking for a different shore. But I'm near enough now to MY shore that, when the tide turns THIS time, my little boat can only be violently slammed up onto the beach and not pulled back out to sea.

    I read yesterday that "Focus is often a matter of deciding what things you're not going to do." (John Carmack) You would not believe all of the terrible "solutions" being presented to me at this time! ...and PAID FOR, if that doesn't beat all you've ever heard! You and your husband have probably had many such "helpful hints" thrown your way. I am not going to do them. I don't accept them. In fact, I resist them. "People have told me for as long as I can remember what must be, and I do not accept it." Me too, Diana. I am ALREADY PRACTICALLY THERE and my oars are out, contrary to any current that might try to pull me back out into the wide world--unyielding, unaccepting. "I do not care if the whole world unites to compel it upon me." When the time comes, I will jump out and swim for it, if needs be.

    Take heart, Diana. The tides rise and fall every day...twice a day in many locations. Stay in your little boat of Beautiful Necessity. It knows where it is bound. Take heed to your needs. There needn't be a world of endless electronic day for you and Michael. The tide is always turning whether we are aware of it or not. When inevitably the two of you spot your land, rejoice, for between you, you have FOUR arms for paddling, FOUR arms and FOUR legs for the NECESSARY swim!

    No fine thing was ever accomplished by "acceptance". We don't ACCEPT fate, we SEIZE IT. Even Jesus, by His unacceptance of the state of our world, loved His Fate so much that He jumped into it head-first and laid hold of it and endured it "for the JOY that was set before Him". Hebrews 12:2. No acceptance there...only joy.

    Take care of one another. Keep well. Love, Julie

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    1. I am still painting my boat. I see many shores and my GPS seems to be broken. I think I am afraid of water!!!! But, as soon as I feel a good wind, I will set my sails and steer my own ship!

      Good for you Julie. Yes, you are headed for a most difficult time. You have a plan and that is wonderful. But be open for those plans to change. Not by someone else, per se, just keep your heart open. And keep rowing dear! You will find your shore!

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  3. I am encouraged by your words and inspired by your love of Fate. I looked up the definition of acceptance and see that this was not the meaning I had wanted to impart. I was thinking more of 'handling' what fate brought - not breaking from it... and then continuing to move in the direction of your heart, seeking more from your destiny.

    My destiny is somewhat veiled at the moment too. It is a curious place to be but I am surprisingly liking the 'in-between.' Maybe it is my destiny at the moment.

    Julie, I understand that you feel you need to "seize fate" and I have looking at my life to see where I may have done that but I am not sure I have. And while I understand and respect your feelings, Diana that you have never learned from Fate, I have learned a great deal about myself in seeing my Fate unfold. These have been times of growth for me. Perhaps it is just that I had so much to learn, so far to go to understand myself, that these opportunities were needed by me.

    I am finding my boat (if I may use your metaphor, Julie) to be more of a raft that is safely gliding with the current. I used to hold it back, or worry about the occasional rock and turbulent waters, but since letting go I seem to be moving towards calmer and calmer waters. It has been a strange phenomena.

    Diana, I hope your destiny unfolds more easily from here on in and wherever you land, I look forward to hearing you "speak from it."

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  4. I just had this message sent to me today and I think I will ruminate on it:

    "One who is attached to the world
    thinks renouncing it will relieve his misery.
    One who is attached to nothing is free
    and does not feel miserable
    even in the world. ♥"

    ~Ashtavakra Gita

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    1. Wonderful quotation, Leah! xxx (My little boat is bobbling just off-shore at this time.) ;)

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    2. This quote exactly describes what I meant in my post on the Facebook page. Thanks for posting this, Leah!

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  5. “I’ve been bawled out, balled up, held up, held down, hung up, bulldozed, blackjacked, walked on, cheated, squeezed and mooched; stuck for war tax, excess profit tax, sales tax, dog tax and syntax, Liberty bonds, baby bonds, and the bonds of matrimony, Red Cross, Blue Cross and the double cross; I’ve worked like hell, worked others like hell, have got drunk and got others drunk, lost all I had, and now because I won’t spend or lend what little I earn, beg, borrow or steal, I’ve been cussed, discussed, boycotted, talked to, talked about, lied to, lied about, worked over, pushed under, robbed and damned near ruined. The only reason I’m sticking around now is to see WHAT THE HELL IS NEXT.”

    William Least-Heat Moon
    "Blue Highways"

    Diana,

    I am praying for you. You sound tense.

    My two cents. Unacceptance is unnaceptable. It's a losing proposition.

    I would say the equation goes something like serenity is directly proportional to acceptance and acceptance is inversely proportional to expectations.

    Equanimity is key.

    And you are not always going to need IH, sooner or later your Innermost Life should be elevated anywhere.

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    1. Well, Dewey, I think I love your Mr. Moon. He is deeply honest as few people are! I think you give good advice to Diana and the rest of us!

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  6. Dear Diana, I hear what you wrote about peace here: "I too want peace. But I am not willing to pay the price of accepting whatever happens to be for it. I do not care if the whole world unites to compel it upon me."

    It seems to me that the Innermost Life is the heart of the way of peace. If peace is not a goal, but a way of being, a way of dwelling inside the power which brings wholeness. The truth, our perspectives, what is necessary, and the next piece of what is true: when this is at the centre, I think the peace-making power is the effect that moves out from that centre.

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  7. Hopefully I haven't reached my comment quota :)

    Here is another quote to share:

    Experience pain to the full.
    Do not try to run away from it,
    do not resist it by thinking of
    something else or by cursing fate.
    Open your arms to it, embrace it,
    ask it to do its worst to you.

    To go with it requires a moment's
    plucking up of courage;
    it seems to invite disaster,
    yet oddly enough it is the only salvation. ♥

    ~Alan Watts

    Love to all. - Leah

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  8. I had posted this comment on the previous post in error. I meant for it to follow this post about "Unacceptance".

    Diana said: "Nor does a love of my fate mean an acceptance of what must be. I do not accept what must be. People have told me for as long as I can remember what must be, and I do not accept it."

    I have been trying to think what meaning I was trying to impart when I spoke of "acceptance" and I think it was an acceptance of what has happened. An acknowledgment that the life you knew at IH has ended and your life would never be the same. I also was trying to share with you a hope or a belief that something as good or even better can await you. Fate... coupled with choices....and an awareness that it is all just 'stuff' outside of you, anyway.

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  9. i'm still getting to know the IH space here. The FB IH site manager (I think) suggested pasting my comment from over there to over here, so, from a bit done the path of an energetic exchange on acceptance....
    "These are challenging topics to tackle in the confines of a FB comment box, but I'm glad there is trying. As a consequence I woke up thinking about acceptance under my fleece this morning. I think it came down in the end to a notion of coming into a "given" World with a "given" tool box. I didn't feel I was close to understanding the scope of either of those, but it did feel, in this incarnated condition, that there were edges. It also seemed that there is no [I ACCEPT] box to check. Maybe we checked it somewhere else, but all the same, here we are. My most fortunate experience has been, though, that there is Grace available within both of those "givens," and it is in that there can be a peace and ease, which we might be hoping for in this Acceptance question. I am really far from figuring out Grace, however. Grace & will are both ongoing experiences and questions for me."

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  10. Diana, you speak with such beautiful strength.

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  11. Diana, I think that I, at least, have come to realize that there will always be something missing. We can't and want or need it all to be happy, tho.

    You do sound a bit resigned to your situation in spite of your brave words. We want to help you hang in there. You are not alone, a lot of us feel "displaced".

    Sherry

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